Lesson 17, Common Errors & Before→After
The repair manual. Errors organized by score dimension so you can target your weakest one, plus a library of weak sentences rewritten to Level 11.
Part 1, Errors by dimension
Content / Coherence
| Error | Fix |
|---|---|
| Thin paragraphs: one sentence per bullet | Two points per bullet, planned before writing |
| Claims without development | Attach which means / the effect is / for instance to every point |
| Unbalanced bodies: strong first, collapsing third | Plan all three before writing; check lengths when proofreading |
| Apology paragraph mostly about something else | Over half of it must actually apologize |
| The loop doesn’t close (Task 2) | Conclusion must pick up Body 2, not repeat Body 1 |
| Arguing for the option you rejected (Task 2) | Concede it, don’t advocate for it |
Vocabulary
| Error | Fix |
|---|---|
| Repetition: very, good, problem ×4 | Vary the second occurrence of any distinctive word |
| Flat word choice | Upgrade tables in Lesson 5 |
| No adverbs | Force in two or three “-ly” adverbs |
| Register mismatch | Check the Lesson 6 swap table |
| Idioms | Cut them, they read as memorized |
| Invented statistics | Use general patterns instead |
| Words you can’t spell | Simpler word you can spell always wins |
Readability
| Error | Fix |
|---|---|
| All simple sentences | Two complex sentences minimum |
| Sentence monotony: five identical shapes | Rotate: subject / subordinate / adverb / prepositional |
| Articles | Your most likely personal error, check first |
| Plural agreement on general nouns | ”children need,” not “a child needs” |
| Comma splices | Join with a connector or split into two sentences |
| Sentence starting with “which” | Attach it with a comma to the previous clause |
| Missing full stops | Read backwards to catch them |
Task Fulfillment
| Error | Fix |
|---|---|
| Wrong task verb: telling when asked to find out | Underline every bullet’s verb during planning |
| A bullet missed entirely | One bullet = one paragraph, always |
| Under 150 / over 200 words | Check at the 24-minute mark |
| Wrong register | Decide in planning, check in proofreading |
| Rude tone in a complaint | Every demand becomes a polite request |
| No position taken (Task 2) | Commit in sentence one, restate at the end |
Part 2, The classic failure, worked in full
This is worth understanding properly, because it costs more marks than any grammar error and it’s entirely preventable.
Bullet: “Find out how important the book is to your friend.”
What candidates write:
❌ “I know the book is very important to you. It was a gift from your grandmother and you have had it for many years.”
Read it on its own and it looks fine, relevant, detailed, well-formed. But it fails the bullet. The task said find out. The candidate demonstrated knowledge instead of asking a question.
What it should be:
✅ “Could you let me know how much the book actually means to you? I know it was a gift, but I’d like to understand properly before I decide how to put this right.”
Why strong writers fall for it: the question hands you background information, and your instinct is to prove you read it. But information the question gives you is context, not your answer.
The mechanical fix: if a bullet contains ask, find out, enquire, or check - that paragraph must contain a question mark. Make it a physical check during proofreading.
Part 3, The Before→After library
Twenty weak sentences rewritten. Each one shows a single move you can copy.
Adding development
| Before | After | The move |
|---|---|---|
| ”The heating does not work." | "The radiators produce almost no heat, despite the thermostat being set to its maximum.” | Add the detail that proves it |
| ”It was inconvenient." | "I had to buy two electric heaters, which increased my monthly bill substantially.” | Replace the judgement with its cause |
| ”A park is good for people." | "A park serves everyone, children, older residents and families would all use it daily.” | Name who benefits |
| ”I was late." | "I arrived twenty minutes after the meeting had started.” | Replace vague with specific |
| ”Many people would use it." | "A substantial proportion of residents would use it weekly.” | Precision replaces vagueness |
Fixing tone
| Before | After | The move |
|---|---|---|
| ”You need to fix this immediately." | "I would be grateful if this could be resolved as soon as possible.” | Demand → request |
| ”This is unacceptable." | "I am sure you will appreciate that this has been difficult to manage.” | Accusation → shared understanding |
| ”It is your job to sort this out." | "I would appreciate your assistance in resolving this.” | Blame → collaboration |
| ”Nobody replied to me." | "Unfortunately, I have not yet received a response.” | Accusation → neutral fact |
| ”The design team caused the delay." | "The design stage took longer than anticipated.” | Blame a person → describe a situation |
Building complexity
| Before | After | The move |
|---|---|---|
| ”I reported it. Nobody replied." | "Although I reported it on three occasions, I have not received a reply.” | Subordinate clause |
| ”It is cheaper. It has more space." | "Not only is it considerably cheaper, but it also offers far more space.” | Not only… but also |
| ”The bag fell. The lens broke." | "The bag went down onto the rocks, and although the body seems fine, the lens is cracked.” | Two clauses + concession |
| ”Parking attracts traffic. This is a problem." | "Adding spaces tends to attract traffic; the problem simply reappears within a year.” | Semicolon join |
| ”I bought heaters. It was expensive." | "I had to buy two electric heaters, which proved considerably more expensive than expected.” | Which-clause |
Register repair
| Before | After | The move |
|---|---|---|
| ”I am writing to inform you that I cannot come.” (to a friend) | “I’m so sorry, but I’m not going to be able to make it.” | Formal → warm |
| ”Hi, hope you’re well! Anyway…” (to a company) | “I am writing to raise a concern regarding…” | Small talk → purpose |
| ”Please fix it fast." | "I would be grateful if this could be addressed within the week.” | Curt → professional |
| ”Thanks a lot!!!” (formal) | “Thank you for your assistance.” | Over-casual → appropriate |
| ”I think it is better." | "I remain convinced this is the wiser option.” | Weak stance → committed |
Part 4, Your personal error profile
Ten generic errors are not actionable. Two personal errors are.
Building it
- Take three responses you’ve written.
- Mark each against the four dimension tables above.
- Tally. Anything appearing twice or more goes on your list.
- Most people end up with two or three items.
Using it
- Check these first in Pass 2 of your proofread
- Do one targeted drill per item, ten sentences practicing just that fix
- Re-tally after two weeks. Items usually drop off, and new ones surface as your writing gets more ambitious
Example profile: “1, I drop articles before abstract nouns. 2, my third body paragraph is always shortest. 3, I overuse ‘very’.”
Three specific, checkable things. Far more useful than “improve my grammar.”
Part 5, Diagnose these three
Score each out of 12 and name the single biggest problem, before checking.
A (Task 1, complaint to a landlord)
“Dear Sir, I am writing about my apartment. There is a problem with the water. It is very bad and I am not happy. Please fix it soon. It is your responsibility. Thank you. John”
B (Task 1, apology to a friend)
“Dear Michael, I am writing to inform you that I have lost the book you lent me. I am extremely sorry for this unfortunate incident. I will endeavor to replace it at the earliest opportunity. I look forward to your question response. Yours sincerely, Anna Petrova”
C (Task 2)
“I think the library is better. Libraries are good because people can read books and study. Also they are quiet. But sports facilities are also good because people need exercise and it is healthy. Many towns have sports centers. In conclusion I think the library is a better choice for the town.”
Diagnoses
A, around 5. Biggest problem: length and tone. About 45 words. “Dear Sir” instead of a name. “It is your responsibility” is accusatory. “Very bad,” “not happy” carry no information. Third bullet barely exists. Fix length and tone before anything else.
B, around 6. Biggest problem: register. The English is genuinely good, “endeavor,” “at the earliest opportunity” are advanced. That’s exactly what’s wrong. This is business English written to a friend, with a formal sign-off and full name. Every sentence needs warming, and it’s badly under length.
C, around 6. Biggest problem: arguing for the rejected option. “But sports facilities are also good because people need exercise” advocates for the side being rejected, it should have been a concession followed by a counter. Plus flat vocabulary (“good” ×3), no complex sentences, and roughly 70 words.
If you diagnosed B as strong because the vocabulary is advanced, that’s the lesson. Sophisticated words in the wrong register score worse than plain words in the right one.
Your practice
Open one set on Celpora and put today’s lesson to work.
Re-draft your baseline. Compare to your Lesson 1 diagnostic
